seattle Student essay

Since Summer Search ignited my journey towards self-realization, I’ve become more confident and outspoken. I don’t feel as anxious when dealing with large obstacles because I’ve had those tough experiences before; I’m ready to handle them. However, that’s not to say that since coming back from my wilderness trip, things have always gotten easier. In fact, junior year was an especially stressful year because of my huge academic workload and the unstable relationship between me and my mother. I fell into silence mode again, unable to reconcile my personal goals with her demanding, strict expectations. It was a discouraging period; we were frequently fighting, with her yelling at me and my silence pushing her away. Even though I’ve grown up believing in working as hard as possible and being as unobtrusive as possible, there were many times when I was tempted to stop trying, to say that I had reached my limit between attending school and obeying my mother and compromising my dreams. It was hard for me to retain the strong, persevering spirit I had when I climbed Mount Rainier. I felt like I started back at square one again.

            Even so, I’ve made it through that storm with the guidance of my mentors and the values Summer Search has ingrained into me. One of those values, which I especially hold dear, is the importance of resilience. Being resilient was what got me through junior year and the summer this year I spent at an internship in Boston. I’ve learned that no matter where you go or what kind of a person you are, you will inevitably face failures. You will inevitably face loneliness. You will inevitably be pushed to your limit sometime in your life, and sometimes you will not make it.

            But the thing is, it’s okay. When I was in Boston, even though I was surrounded by family friends, it wasn’t the same as having my real family and mentors to support me, to see me at my best and my worst. I felt lonely taking the subway to work; I felt lonely sitting down for dinner. But I always reminded myself to remain proactive and not to bottle myself up. Even in this letter, I’m not holding back any of my feelings or thoughts about what I’ve experienced with Summer Search. I’ve stopped trying to create a perfect image in order to fit that contrived definition of success. I now realize that this is my life to take into my own hands, my life to serve other people because it is my dream and not anyone else’s, and my life to keep on going no matter how overwhelming the loneliness or failure may feel. I realize that as long as I am resilient, I am going to be okay. I am going to conquer the mountains in my life.

I am immensely grateful to my Summer Search mentors and Summer Search’s supporters for shaping my journey these past two years. Their values of resilience, independence, and leadership have empowered me and will continue to do so as I mature and face future challenges in my life. My outlook on the world has changed so much since I became a Summer Searcher—now I see clearly that though we all struggle in our problems, we can still keep our eyes on our dream. We still have the capacity to be strong. I know I could not have climbed Mount Rainiers in my life had it not been for Summer Search.

Amanda Zhang